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   JEALOUSY

Jealousy is a feeling that is triggered by the idea that what I have “dearest” to me I could loose it in a blink of an eye.

It is linked to the concept of honor ship, possibly loosing that, what I consider truly my own.

Both jealousy and honor ship, are feelings that “force the others” wonting their presence in terms of exclusivity and strictly for them.

I mean “Pretending the other one” means that the other one is seen as an “object rather then a subject”.

Often jealousy manifests itself through people in absence of any fact or circumstance that justifies this kind of experience.

It must be said: there is a need to distinguish between “normal” jealousy and “pathological” jealousy.

Normal jealousy is inseparable from the love for the partner and is always present in acceptable amounts.

If jealousy would not be present love could be doubted of being there.

This helps to make the loved one feel really loved, because through jealousy the fear of loosing him is openly manifested.

We talk about pathological jealousy when the following characteristics are present: irrational fear of abandonment and sadness for the hypothetical loss; being suspicious about every partner rational behavior towards people of the opposite sex; check “the other” every behavior, envy and aggressiveness towards others: persecutory aggressiveness towards the partner; sensation of being inadequate and low self esteem.

Jealousy, the pathological one, is so when there is fear of loosing something that is regarded as essential for their own well being and that which is thought essential, could be possessed by others.

Jealousy is also shown in absence of any evident motives.

Often jealousy is the culprit of the separation in relationships.

In addition, fear that a relationship might end, unwillingly drives the relationship to an end.

Pathological jealousy has its origin in suspiciousness and unfounded circumstances that find their true nature in anguish that takes form in the mind, without any evidence in actual facts.

This anguish produces true mental representation, on which “to build” the rivalry and “proofs of infidelity”: true actual reality is wrongly interpreted.

All of this can lead to true “delirium” of jealousy that often is at the origin of headlines, like that of passionate killings.

Pathological jealousy, most of the times, has the rules in infancy with the bad relationship that the jealous person has installed with the parents.

The parents have not adequately reinforced the child's trust and self esteem, thus contributing to determine a jealous adult; consequently the person will not be conscious of self potentials and self value and is deeply insecure.

This leads the same into thinking that the partner could love someone else because better deserving and so miss trusts the person's love.

Pathological jealousy can hide the desire of a total ownership of the partner.

The above happens because a bad relationship was established with the parents, worse then the one with the opposite sex.

There is a presence of unmet emotional feelings during infancy and is thought to be resolved in adulthood through total possession of the other.

What we have just affirmed, jealousy and emotional dependency are sides of the same medal. Given the presence of the one, the other is probably present too.

Traduzione a cura di Deborah Biagini

Dott. Roberto Cavaliere

COMMENTS Jealousy can also be part of 'living a lie' as expressed in my comment regarding your post on 'love addiction'.

It is a negative sentiment because one is only jealous when one is not satisfactorily loved. The lack of trust is invariably created by a lack of love and reassurance. Jealously therefore is not intrinsic to true love. It is a discordant product of frustration and distrust.

When one is oneself and loved as such, and this is reciprocal, there is no place for jealousy. It no longer exists or has any reason of being.

  

PRESENTATION OF THE SITE ON LOVE ADDICTION

LOVE ADDICTION

JEALOUSY

BETRAYAL

HOW TO OVERCOME PROBLEMS IN A COUPLE

OVERCOME THE END OF A LOVE STORY

Please also read the interview with dr. Cavaliere published on site online psychiatry Psychiatry Italy in the section 'The weakness'

To read the complete curriculum dr. Roberto Cavaliere visit the appropriate section

Contact: tel. 320-8573502 email: cavalierer@iltuopsicologo.it

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